Big Girl Steps...Walking into a New Season

So I’ve begun my journey to permanent weight loss through gastric sleeve surgery. I feel the spirit of self-sabotage coming already because of the things that I’m thinking and saying. I’m already feeling like as I loose weight, like really loose weight…noticeably…that I’m going to freak out…Self-Sabotage #1..then I’m afraid that I won’t have the support I need once I have the surgery and I am in recovery...Negative thinking #2, I was thinking about covering my mirrors at a certain point so that I can only feel my progress through my clothes instead of visually acknowledging my progress and I won’t freak out…Irrational thought #3…these are the emotional ups and downs that I go through because I’m so afraid of experiencing wonderful things that in my mind won’t last. This goes back to my childhood…when I was growing up and even when I became an adult I was often in a situation in which the things I cherished and valued were either taken, damaged or destroyed. I guess you can say I have issues with attachment. Today I wrote in my journal and I wrote the serenity prayer just because I struggle with control and the lack thereof in some areas of my life. It’s amazing once you start digging deeper within yourself that you begin to discover the things that we silently try to control. The perpetual cycles that we subconsciously subject ourselves to due to the uncontested battles of control. I am determined...determined to not give up and determined to not give in. So I leave you with this:

GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.

− Reinhold Niebuhr